ABOUT
On January 11, 2009 my mother was pronounced free of this physical world. Three years before she had been diagnosed what oncologists call " The Silent Killer". they give this term to Ovarian Cancer because it is typically very hard to pick up in medical screenings. By the time doctor's are aware of it's presence the cancer has usually spread throughout the system. In my mother's case, the insurance carrier wouldn't even approve a scan to determine why she had been retaining so much water. Her primary care physician was appauled by this and instructed her to go directly to the Emergency Room to make sure a scan was performed. To this day I remember the call that changed my relationship with my beautiul mother forever. She was a warrior woman that didn't let this patriarchal system control her or her family. She like all of us had her strengths, her weaknessess, her magic, and her issues.
While on her death bed my mother took my hand and said " I'm not leaving you any money or property, all I have to offer you are my diaries and dream journals". I explained to her that I didn't need anything, that her being my mother was more than anyone could ever ask for. I left her side and retrieved her sacred box from her closet.....at the time I had no idea what a beautiful gift she was passing to me. This site will allow you to look into the life of a strong woman that never backed down, a woman that accomplished her dreams, and eventually lived by nobody's rules but her own. Please take your time and peek into the wonderful world of Carlotta......
While on her death bed my mother took my hand and said " I'm not leaving you any money or property, all I have to offer you are my diaries and dream journals". I explained to her that I didn't need anything, that her being my mother was more than anyone could ever ask for. I left her side and retrieved her sacred box from her closet.....at the time I had no idea what a beautiful gift she was passing to me. This site will allow you to look into the life of a strong woman that never backed down, a woman that accomplished her dreams, and eventually lived by nobody's rules but her own. Please take your time and peek into the wonderful world of Carlotta......
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Seeing Our Mothers Through Different Eyes
A few days ago, a woman was complaining about how difficult her mother was being. I don’t know too many people who haven’t experienced some turmoil with their mothers. Even in the most harmonious of relationships, sometimes we feel our mothers just don’t understand. There’s so much history with our mothers we often fall into the role of the child even after half of our lives as adults.
Most mothers want their children to grow up and become independent. Yet those same mothers may continue treating their adult children like adolescents. Perhaps, because as we age, our mothers may feel they’re less important to us. They’re women of a different generation; their lives revolved around home and family.
Tell your mother about a particularly distressing detail of your childhood and she’d probably be surprised at its impact on you. It’s not necessarily because she was oblivious to your pain or because she doesn’t want to admit her role in the drama. Maybe she just didn’t realize it had been a traumatic experience for you.
You may feel your mother made mistakes, that she could have done things differently, perhaps better. However, when we have children, we all make mistakes, some small, some large, but mistakes just the same. Our mothers are just people; people who did what they could with the skills they had. In this, our mothers are not much different from us
We live in a society that has specialized training for everything, yet we don’t prepare people for parenthood. Even with all the information available today, people who are not emotionally equipped to have children are having one after another. There’s a fundamental lack of understanding of the tremendous responsibility being a parent requires. Children require a huge chunk of your life. They require love, time, patience, self-sacrifice, discipline, a safe home environment and money. Most of our mothers understood these things were part of being a parent. They knew their lives would be centered on their children.
So when we look at our mothers, perhaps we can see them through different eyes. If your mother sang songs with you, played games with you or read you bedtime stories---you were lucky. If she was there when you got home from school, if she cooked your meals and washed your clothes, if she bandaged your cuts and kissed your bruises; if she took you on the yearly back to school shopping trip---you were lucky. If she told you to sit up straight, taught you manners, taught you values and ethics---you were lucky. If she yelled at you; smiled at you; laughed with you or cried with you---you were lucky.
If your mother had a birthday party for you, took a trip with you or took you trick or treating---you were lucky. If she taught you to wash dishes, make your bed, or sew even one stitch---you were lucky. If she took you to dance or music classes, watched you play sports or took pictures of you until you thought you’d go blind---you were lucky. If she wanted to know where you were, who you were with and what time you’d be home---you were lucky. If your mother did these things, she cared about you.
There are people who never experienced those things. Today, there are kids in this city who will never get those things from their mothers. So, when you’re feeling that your mother is being difficult, and we all do, sooner or later---try to see your mother for who she really is: She’s just a woman with all the insecurities, fears and issues that everyone has.
Most of us weren’t helped to overcome our childhood traumas before having children; those experiences color our world. Cut your mother some slack, she did the best she could. Our difficulties often stem from expecting much more from our mothers than we do from anyone else. We are never truly adults until we learn to see our mothers as just people---with all the human frailties that that entails. Sometimes the best we can do is to absorb all that is good in our mothers and eliminate the negative seeds in ourselves. That is a gift that we can pass on.
Carlotta Morales Veliz
November 4, 1947 - January 11, 2009
Most mothers want their children to grow up and become independent. Yet those same mothers may continue treating their adult children like adolescents. Perhaps, because as we age, our mothers may feel they’re less important to us. They’re women of a different generation; their lives revolved around home and family.
Tell your mother about a particularly distressing detail of your childhood and she’d probably be surprised at its impact on you. It’s not necessarily because she was oblivious to your pain or because she doesn’t want to admit her role in the drama. Maybe she just didn’t realize it had been a traumatic experience for you.
You may feel your mother made mistakes, that she could have done things differently, perhaps better. However, when we have children, we all make mistakes, some small, some large, but mistakes just the same. Our mothers are just people; people who did what they could with the skills they had. In this, our mothers are not much different from us
We live in a society that has specialized training for everything, yet we don’t prepare people for parenthood. Even with all the information available today, people who are not emotionally equipped to have children are having one after another. There’s a fundamental lack of understanding of the tremendous responsibility being a parent requires. Children require a huge chunk of your life. They require love, time, patience, self-sacrifice, discipline, a safe home environment and money. Most of our mothers understood these things were part of being a parent. They knew their lives would be centered on their children.
So when we look at our mothers, perhaps we can see them through different eyes. If your mother sang songs with you, played games with you or read you bedtime stories---you were lucky. If she was there when you got home from school, if she cooked your meals and washed your clothes, if she bandaged your cuts and kissed your bruises; if she took you on the yearly back to school shopping trip---you were lucky. If she told you to sit up straight, taught you manners, taught you values and ethics---you were lucky. If she yelled at you; smiled at you; laughed with you or cried with you---you were lucky.
If your mother had a birthday party for you, took a trip with you or took you trick or treating---you were lucky. If she taught you to wash dishes, make your bed, or sew even one stitch---you were lucky. If she took you to dance or music classes, watched you play sports or took pictures of you until you thought you’d go blind---you were lucky. If she wanted to know where you were, who you were with and what time you’d be home---you were lucky. If your mother did these things, she cared about you.
There are people who never experienced those things. Today, there are kids in this city who will never get those things from their mothers. So, when you’re feeling that your mother is being difficult, and we all do, sooner or later---try to see your mother for who she really is: She’s just a woman with all the insecurities, fears and issues that everyone has.
Most of us weren’t helped to overcome our childhood traumas before having children; those experiences color our world. Cut your mother some slack, she did the best she could. Our difficulties often stem from expecting much more from our mothers than we do from anyone else. We are never truly adults until we learn to see our mothers as just people---with all the human frailties that that entails. Sometimes the best we can do is to absorb all that is good in our mothers and eliminate the negative seeds in ourselves. That is a gift that we can pass on.
Carlotta Morales Veliz
November 4, 1947 - January 11, 2009